When Religion Couldn’t Hold My Heart — I Let It Break Open.

— Introducing the Divine Remembrance Series — The Power Within Podcast

I was a good girl.

The kind who followed the rules.

The kind who did her best — always.

In religion, I gave it everything.

I was diligent, committed, prayerful. Five times a day, I showed up. I learned the recitations. I fasted. I did everything right. And yet…

Something inside me was aching.

Not loudly at first.

Just a quiet, persistent discontent. A soft gnawing.

But there was no space to name it — no room to ask.

The unspoken rule was: Suck it up. Push through. Don’t question. Just obey.

So I did. For a long time.

And still, the ache grew.

What no one tells you is that discipline alone does not nourish the soul.

Structure is not the same as intimacy. Rules are not the same as love.

I didn’t see anyone around me who seemed whole. There was so much nitpicking. So much harshness. As if joy was a crime. Laughter, rebellion. Beauty, a threat.

And creativity? Forget it. The soul’s exuberance had no place. No permission.

And then — something cracked me open.

His name was Rumi.

And his words were honey to my parched spirit.

I didn’t understand them. My body did.

Rumi’s poetry touched something the rules never could — the feminine soul of God.

Suddenly I was crying. Singing. Longing.

I discovered Qasidas — sacred praise, song, ecstatic devotion to the Prophet Muhammad. And my heart… it leapt. I didn’t even know why. There was no theology, no fatwa, no book to explain it.

Just feeling. Just remembering.

Something deep, ancient, and holy. Something mine.

But the Islam I knew didn’t have room for this kind of beauty. This kind of love.

So I tried to make myself smaller. Quieter. Less joyful. More correct.

And my soul started to wilt.

Until I decided to stop contorting.

Until I said: If God made me this joyful, maybe joy is the prayer.

The least I could do — for a life of breath and light and sensation — was to offer my delight back to the Divine. That was my worship. That was my prayer.

But others didn’t see it that way. They called it wrong. Loud. Dangerous.

So I left.

Not God — never God.

But the version of God they sold me.

I untied myself. I unfurled like silk released.

And what I found was a world so magical, so intimate, so alive — I couldn’t keep it to myself.

This is what the Divine Remembrance series is about.

It’s about the spiritual awakening that happens when you outgrow the God you were given.

It’s about healing from religious trauma, reclaiming sacred joy, and remembering the real relationship you’ve always had with the Divine — underneath the noise, the fear, the shame.

Because the truth is, you’re not broken.

You’re remembering.

Listen to the Divine Remembrance series on The Power Within

Start with Episode 1: What Happens When You Outgrow the God You Were Given

Listen now

Your dreams are knocking.

Are you listening?